Life in a new place (Sorry for the TLDR-ness)

It’s funny how quickly some things can change.  The last post seemed pretty harsh, and I was shocked at seeing the F-word at the end.  I decided against changing it though.  So here’s the scoop on everything new.

Sue and I moved to Raleigh North Carolina in July.  We decided that the job situation in PA simply wasn’t worth sticking around for.  I did the typical apply to 100 districts canvas, and received the same results as last year.  When North Hills picked someone else (with 5 years more experience than me) for the single position they had open we figured it was time to hit the road.  Within two weeks, I got a job teaching at a magnet middle school here in Raleigh.  We found an apartment complex where a friend lived, and were approved.

We moved down without Susie having a job.  With the excess of jobs down here, we figured it’d be no problem getting a job.  And believe it or not, it wasn’t!  She had a job ready to go when she came down a week after I did.  She was working at a company that seemed great but it was too far away, and the job wasn’t what they advertised.  She stuck around for about a month and decided it was time to start looking around elsewhere.  A week after looking around, she was interviewed and offered a different job, with a pay raise, and better all around work environment.  She seems super happy there.  She’s working for the largest synthetic cork manufacturer in the world!  She does sensory testing which means she basically conducts studies with people (taste tests etc…) to determine the quality of the corks.  Wine drinkers are a picky bunch and apparently the corks are a major consideration.  And no matter how poor the economy is, people still spend money on booze!

My job is a different kind of story.  I was jazzed to be back in teaching.  I’d get a nice pay raise, benefits, and more experience on my resume.  I’m working at a magnet school in Raleigh teaching Science and Math.  We’re a magnet school with a focus on museums.  We try to integrate exhibits at the local museums into our curricula.  We’re right in the heart of downtown Raleigh, and are within walking distance of 7 museums so it’s something we can do and be back for lunch.  It’s in downtown Raleigh so I was warned that it was a challenging population of students.  Which is code for full of bad kids.  It certainly lives up to the title but it’s no worse than some of the other places I have worked.  The biggest change is that it isn’t a union state.  I wouldn’t think it would be a big deal.  In fact, I welcomed not having to pay union dues.  What it has become though is the faculty expecting more than I would have imagined out of the staff.  Legally, we’re supposed to have a duty free lunch.  That doesn’t happen because we don’t have the staffing for it.  So already I don’t get a lunch.  I am expected to do morning duty every other week so I lose any free time at the beginning of the day to prepare for the day or set up labs.  Of my planning periods, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are taken from me for meetings with my grade level team and content area teams which ends up being a timesink more than anything else for me.  And I could use that time better in planning/preparing.  Then on Thursdays about half of the time they’re take up by other meetings, so I really only get like 2 free periods every week guaranteed to me.  Unless too many people are out, in which case i’d have to cover for them.  Then I’m expected/required to sponsor at least one after school club, two Saturday events, and a committee – all of which are uncontracted time.  Oh, and of course the weekly staff meeting for two hours off the clock.  So I’ve got no time to plan, which means it comes home with me.  As a result I’ve been bringing home work and working from when i get home until around 9:00 every night.  And of course Sundays all day.  Plus the paperwork is insane here.  All this has convinced me that I am going to get out of teaching.  I’m going to be able to deal with it as long as I need to.  I just decided I’m going to refuse to do anything after my hours are over and on weekends.  When we have kids, I am going to spend time with them, not doing more work for the kids I have in class who are (for the most part) unappreciative of what I’m trying to do.  So I’ve begun looking for other jobs in the Sunday papers.  With how many jobs there are here, I’m thinking I may be able to move industries to something else, but time will tell.  If not, I’m going to look into undergrad/masters programs.  I’m leaning towards something in the engineering or finance fields, but Sue’s been talking about a Masters in Food Science, which would be a lot of fun, and I’d only need to take 2 prerequisites.  Problem is, I need to reside in NC for a year before I get in-state tuition prices.  So I’m biding my time until then.  I’ll be putting in for a transfer to an elementary school for next year but I just can’t see teaching in my future for too much longer.

A lot of other stuff has changed too.  We’re living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, but plan on buying a house at the end of our lease down here, and having kids shortly (very shortly) thereafter.  I finally got my TV, which is great, but I don’t get to enjoy as much as I’d like to (see above).  I sold my desktop computer and stopped playing Warcraft.  I used the money to buy a macbook and really enjoy it.  No more bluescreens!  No more fretting about drivers.  It’s been great!  We dropped verizon and got some new cell numbers and I used the leftover money from the computer to buy an i-phone.  I fear i’m going to get into an accident with it, so I’m training myself not to use it when I drive because when I do, it’s not pretty.

I’m doing better at making friends, which is something I’ve really sucked at in the past.  I haven’t made a new friend since like 1999 that I still talk to, which is kind of sad.  So I’m trying to go out of my comfort zone to build relationships.  I have a friend Paul who I played warcraft with, who lives down here.  So we’ve been hanging out a bit and I’ve had a lot of fun getting to know him and his family.

Musically speaking.  I’m branching out.  I’ve been finally embracing my family tree and listening to a lot of Grateful Dead and Phish.  I’m not smoking pot yet, but I’m really enjoying the music.  I’ve also been getting slowly into old-school rap & hip-hop.  I’ve been focusing my time on EPMD, much to Sue’s chagrin.  Also a group named Deltron 3030, featuring Del the funky homosapien.  Paul’s been a great source of GD and Phish material, and pirate bay provides the rest.  I’m also looking back at influential bands that I’ve overlooked like Slayer and Iron Maiden and getting into their stuff.

Spiritually I think I’ve changed the most.  Since Phil died, I’ve go through a time of soul searching.  I had a hard time reconciling a decade of praying for my brother with the reality of what happened.  I examined my faith and what it meant for Phil, and decided that what I’ve believed for what seems like a life time, just doesn’t fit.  So Sue and I haven’t been going to church, and I’ve been living at an agnostic/atheist.  I have an extremely hard time believing in anything right now.  The problem is that I’ve been living that way for so long, i’ve established habits and mindsets which can make things… well not confusing but interesting at times.  In a way it’s been very liberating.  In other ways, it’s been a tough reality to get through.  I haven’t really told anyone, and no one’s really asked, which i think is interesting.  I guess the ember is still there, I’m just ignoring it for now to see if it’s going to extinguish or if something will happen.  We are living in the Bible belt after all!  There are churches literally everywhere and they’re HUGE!  So I’ve taken to swearing.  Yeah, a lot of Christians already do it, and I’m realizing how silly it is to think it’s a sin.  I’m not going too crazy, but I’m not holding myself back either.  I’ve also picked up a few other not so Christian habits.  I’m not becoming a jerk or sleaze-ball or anything, I’m just learning to ask myself why I do some things and avoid others.

I’ve been dealing with the loss of my brother in my own way.  I think moving down here has helped me out.  Going back home was always a painful and heart-breaking experience.  Being here helps me avoid that, which I’m sure isn’t healthy but is what I need right now.  I still have lots of mornings where I break down and don’t want to go on.  I still stay up at night, remembering and thinking where he’s at now.  I still cry too much.  I miss him so much.  I still don’t know how to answer some questions about things, and no one here knows about it.  I have to go to a suicide training course tomorrow in my staff meeting which mortifies me.  I once read that suicide survivors never get over the pain and mourning.  Talking to Sue and how she’s dealt with her dad passing, I think that may be true.  It seems like a process of learning to bury it.  It has helped me realize all of the missed opportunities I had to build a better relationship with my brother.  I only wish I could apply that to other parts of my life.  But there’s no other bond like that.  I can’t share that brother-bond with anyone else in a true way.

Even with all the changes going on, and all the stuff that sucks right now, I’m actually happy with things.  Yeah, my job sucks, and I’ve only really got one or two friends down here, but we’re happy.  We’re going to be able to have a kid in a year or so, and start our family!  Sue’s got a great job that she is actually happy at, which makes me so happy.  Our bill are paid, and we’ve got food on our plates.  We’re both dropping weight (probably from sweating so much down here – it’s hot!) and have our own place again.  For the first time, we can see a light at the end.

So for anyone who checks this (which seems to be only people coming from the link at Welliver’s blog) I’ll try to update this more often as a record of what’s been going on and how I’m dealing.

Sue and I started collecting photos and put them here:
http://www.picasaweb.google.com/suejervis

We also send out the occasional email to everyone who’s interested about life here.
You an email me about it if you want me info about getting it (my full first and last name at gmail)

All the best~